A medical student

You know you are a med student when,

When you see patients that move and talk, you are dreaming, or your text book somehow turned into Tom Riddle’s diary.

There are some who say they don’t have time for serious relationships. But they secretly loathe their colleagues who go through more relationships than all the years of med school.

You are the only people who are knee deep in debt before you get your first paycheck.

When you sing in the bathroom more often than not it is some silly mnemonic that’s stuck in your head.

You have been through severe depression at least once during all those years in med school.

If medicine were a religion, you would be a fanatic.

You have watched all the tv medical shows ever aired(yes including days of our lives) rolled your eyes at the ridiculous notion of hot doctors, tried figuring out the cases(you are either clueless or wrong!).

Doctors by Erich Segal is not just a book. It is your life.

If you have read ‘the doctor on the boil/ doctor in the nude/ doctor on the brain or any other doctor book by Richard Gordon, you what I am talking about when I say I have never laughed harder!

You can’t remember the last time you were out partying on a friday night. And even if you pretend like you have a life(deep down inside you know you are a nerd, now and evermore)

Your worst nightmare is graduating and having to treat real patients. That said, you want to get out of med school as desperately as you wanted to get in!

The dating heirarchy in the medical world

Walking through the hospital hallways, scenes from Grey’s Anatomy play in my head in slow motion.
Maybe surgeons in real life aren’t insanely hot but they sure do spend a lot of time in the on call room!(Even Shonda Rhimes needs inspiration!)

1. The hot female interns sleep with their attending on the very first day, and pretend they didn’t know who he was(even if it is the truth, no one wants to look desperate)

2.What of the not so hot female interns? They get cats, mostly!

3. The lower the neckline of a scrub nurse the more marriages she has ended.

4. What if you are married to a surgeon and getting old (like a scalpel)? Might as well find your self a new person(or a cat) because your husband/wife have to upgrade to a skinny resident(a cryoprobe!). Nothing personal.

5. Paramedics!! Universal rule: they are ALWAYS hot! More like the firemen of the medical world!

6. Med students? They are invisible to almost everyone in the hospital. They are those poor grubs who spend their time fantasizing about the resident they occasionally get a glimpse of through the zillion backs blocking their view.

7. Patients! I don’t know where all those ‘even a doctor can’t keep his hands off’ kind of patients come from?!

8. A ring clipped to the scrubs means ‘I am available, that’s just a fashion choice!’

9. Even the ones who are cursed(never to find love) find that person they want to spend eternity with(of course only after failed marriages, wired relationships with patients/nurses/residents, and more often than not questioning their sexual orientation!)

10. So a hospital is like a jungle, there are rules, but they are mostly ignored!

My midsummer night’s dream

Let me tell you a hilarious comedy,
Let’s save that polytrauma they said.
Four surgeons ran into the OR,
And everyone ended up wed.

Helena, Hermia, Lysander and Demetrius,
Around the table they stood,
All scrubbed up clean,
Like gods in green.

Hermia painted the enormous abdomen,
Her eyes like orbs ‘neath the OR lights,
Lysander gazed upon her as he wore his gloves,
Benath the mask her rosy lips just out of sight.

Lysander loved Hermia and she loved him,
The fate of Demetrius’s love for Hermia was grim.

Hermia’s father wanted her to marry Demetrius,
After all he is the best in plastics thought he,
And so he told Theseus the chief of surgery,
Theseus was set to marry his love in all Athenian splendour,
He gave Hermia time until then,
She decided to run away and marry Lysander.

As they stepped into the OR that day,
Demetrius was blinded by hate,
nothing could stop him from mutilating Lysander’s face.

The nurse fairy pock,
With his love potion saw this all,
To set things right he has been sent,
By the fairy neurosurgeon Oberon himself.

As Hermia took the scalpel and inscised the skin,
Puck used the potion on Lysander,
He asked Helena for the forceps,
And thus struck the fatal arrows of love.

Puck cursed the masks,
But all was not lost,
He used the potion on Demetrius,
Who then asked Helena to hold the retractor,
He fell in love as Lysander noted a fracture.

Lysander and Demetrius fought the beast to woe the fair maiden,
Through layers of fat and hardly any muscle they toiled.
The jealousy in Hermia’s eyes like blood in a cauldron boiled,
As Demetrius cut, clamped, sutured,
To nail the femur Lysander began to drill.

This time Puck cursed his brain,
And used the potion on Lyssander again.
Lysander saw Hermia this time,
As she handed him the plate,
His love restored to its former infatuation like state.
She held the retractors with such dignity,
After all she was surgeon blood thought he.

When at last the skin was stapled
And all that broken was mended,
At the start they were like a ship lost at sea,
But when they stepped out of the OR,
They were four newly weds to be.

The white coat love

We doctors have a law: doctors date doctors. Sometimes we break the law. This is for those exceptions!

There are things about us you won’t be able to resist;

Our scrubs, when we walk out of the emergency room and you are waiting for us, we have a dinner to get to. Its Sparta! And we are your heroes!

Our genuine desire to help everyone around us. Almost angelic!

We work nights and days so when it comes to stamina noone can beat us!

Not all of us are as hot as McSteamy or Izze Stevens. But we make up for that! We NEVER disappoint!

We pick up on the little things, and cure it before it becomes surgical! And if does get to that we always have the scalpel in our pockets! (We ain’t killing noone, we just make the problem disapper, sometimes we manage to leave no scars!)

But we are twisted in many ways;

We love Hippocrates but there are times when we bend and contort his words to cover our asses!

We will mess up both professionally and personally. We are human. We will be caught because we are not shifty enough to hide our blunders!

We take our jobs seriously, and you will always be the second on our list! You could have been third so quit whining.

And there are somethings that might annoy you;

We think we are above you, but we are! Darling med school ain’t no walk in the park! And take it as a compliment that the lives of so many are in competent hands!

We have those ungodly hours, on call every other night. There will always be (hot) nurses, (hot) residents, (hot) interns and (hot) collegues. Compared to the opportunities we get, we slip up fewer times than anyone else.

We may not be shrinks, but we did our psych postings. We label them bipolars, schizophrenics, obssessive compulsive or just plain psychotic. You will be labeled at some point of time. It is inevitable and once done indelible.

We know every body lies. And we will doubt, we will poke and prod, till we know the truth!

We love our alone time. Period.

We don’t have a lot of time for candellight dinners and chardonnay. Beating around the bush annoys us. A heads up; we like our bubbly in bed or better a hot tub!

But don’t give up on us. We are dreamers, that is why we became doctors. We need you to remind us of that part of us. We love with every myocyte in our heart. We trust with every neuron in our body. And we chose you because you are the missing sequence in our genome!