Little Women

Yes I am a feminist. No I don’t wear hipster clothes.

EVERY woman cares about the way she looks (if you don’t you never got laid, never will)

Men are shallow but here is the truth most women are too. There is nothing bad about wanting to look good (imagine katy perry from last friday night before she got all yum trying to strip in a club. No can do.)

But when the pretty on the outside gets fugly on the inside? Enough botox ladies, did you not know your best ‘asset’ will always be your heart(unless you are Beyonce! No guy would care if she had a black heart!)

I have a problem with so many things women are supposed to love,

Fairy tales. A prince riding on a horse comes to rescue me whilst I am dressed in rags. I tried that by the street one day, he was in his Maserati. Our eyes met, I thought we had a moment seconds later I was covered in mud.

Bikinis. Well that is one reason every girl ends up crying on weekends. Baywatch you ruined being fat for me.

Sex in the city. Every woman is a cougar? Will let you know when I hit menopause.

Moon lit walks with the man I love. Sheesh. If I loved him walking isn’t what I would want to do.

Tequila….. Whiskey please.

Super heroes. Sure Thor, Batman, even Superman(rolls eyes). Rich men or Gods or Superman(rolls eyes)…. Pushing it?

True love over one night stands. Its not just a skank reflex, every girl dreams of the no strings attached. Estrogen does work a lot like testosterone.

World peace. I hate most women I know. Give me the missile codes and there will be blood.

Shoes. Of course I love wearing those break my back pair of heels. And yes the diamonds make them SO much more comfortable.

Hummus. Gave that to my dog she gave me her bitch you crazy look.

So ladies if you want to stop being treated like a piece of ass instead of an actual human being all you have to say is,
Yes I am a straight woman in a bar. No I don’t want to see your dick. Yes, I am sure.

the perfect woman!

I read this list! It made me sick! But once I did………..
1) A perfect woman would have to be pretty.

2) She’d have to be hot (there’s a difference).

Pretty and hot? If only you had more blood supply to your cortex.

3) The perfect woman would be a good cook.

And yet for some reason every restraunt has a man in the kitchen and every house a woman!

4) The perfect woman would like sports, not chick flicks. She would watch football with me.

If she likes chick flicks she would definitely marry a retard like you! Really? You want a hot girl who likes sports and will put up with you?!

5) Despite liking sports, the perfect woman would still talk like a lady.

So basically you watch football, pump your body with adrenaline and swear like a pirate with his ass on fire. And she sits beside you with a glass of wine and acts like she has a rod up her ass?!

6) The perfect woman would like beer, but not enough to get a beer gut. Just enough to let me drink it.

So you don’t like a beer guzzling monster. And you want her to like one?
And Mr. Iamfullofshit if she drinks beer she is out of your league!

7) The perfect woman would say what she really thought.

You shouldn’t have put that on your list! Because once you know what she is thinking, you will be walking away with your weenie tucked between your legs.

8) A perfect woman wouldn’t ask questions if she didn’t want the answer.

A perfect woman would already know all the answers.

There was more! But I couldn’t read the entire list without throwing up!